How to Build Trust and Handle Disappointments

Islamic Perspectives on Trust, Forgiveness, and Reflection

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How Can You Tell If You Can Trust Someone? Can You Always Trust Family Members?

When a reader and a very good friend asked me this question, I had to think for a long time before I asked myself the same thing again... How can you actually tell? In Islam, family and unity hold immense importance. Ideally, family members should be the closest to you.

I never consciously thought about this before. Looking back, I trusted people who were close to me or those who gave me a sense of reliability during initial interactions. However, some betrayed that trust, teaching me - as many of us learn - that trusting others can sometimes lead to disappointment.

Over time, I tried to identify signs that indicate a person’s trustworthiness. Primarily, we express our views, intentions, and plans verbally. But our actions confirm these words. I think this is one of the most crucial signs of trustworthiness: letting actions speak louder than words.

For me, intention is also a very important factor. If someone assures us of their reliability and does so with good intentions, they are more likely to keep their word. However, even trustworthy people can fail to keep their promises at times. This doesn’t necessarily make them untrustworthy. Ultimately, I believe trust starts with ourselves.

Why is trust betrayed?

If someone consciously gives others a sense of trust but has ulterior motives - what could be the reasons behind this? I believe there are countless reasons, which makes it possible even for close family members to act against us.

This reminds me of the story of Prophet Yusuf (AS), who was betrayed by his own brothers. Yusuf (AS) was the beloved son of Yaqub (AS), also a prophet in Islam. He had 10 brothers who were deeply jealous of the immense love their father had for Yusuf. One day, they deceived their father, pretending to take Yusuf out to play. In reality, they wanted to get rid of him, throwing him into a well, smearing his shirt with animal blood, and telling their father that a wolf had devoured him.

However, Yusuf (AS) was found by strangers and raised by a minister in Egypt. During his time there, he faced many trials, including being imprisoned for resisting the temptation of the minister’s wife, who falsely accused him. Despite his hardships, Yusuf’s ability to interpret dreams helped him prepare the land for an impending drought, eventually earning him the position of governor. When his brothers came to Egypt during the famine to buy grain, they did not recognize Yusuf, but he recognized them. He revealed his identity to them, forgave them, and reunited with his family. ¹

This brief account of Yusuf’s (AS) story highlights that even family can act against us. But it also demonstrates that emotions like jealousy are human and that none of us are free from mistakes. It shows us the importance of forgiveness, even when it requires great strength. Above all, it teaches us to always place our trust in Allah (SWT).

Trusting Allah Above All

Yusuf (AS) endured unimaginable circumstances. He was hated by his brothers, thrown into a well, raised by strangers far from his parents, and faced injustice even as an adult. Yet, Allah (SWT) had a greater plan for him, turning his trials into blessings. Eventually, he reconciled with his family, building a much stronger bond.

The story of Yusuf (AS) taught me that humans are not perfect and can disappoint us, not necessarily out of malice but often due to their own struggles and limitations. Each of us carries our own burdens, and how we handle them differs. This is why self-reflection and honesty with oneself are so crucial—they lay the foundation for being honest with others and building trust.

Recognizing Trustworthiness

Returning to the initial question of how we recognize trustworthiness, I believe it often requires taking a risk. We can’t always predict in advance who will betray or honour our trust. Often, we only realize someone is untrustworthy once they have proven it through their actions. This uncertainty can feel overwhelming, making us feel vulnerable to pain and disappointment.

But we can always trust Allah (SWT), His wisdom, and His unparalleled mercy. Every painful experience holds hidden blessings that we may not yet see, but will eventually come to understand. As the Qur’an reminds us: “Verily, with hardship comes ease.” (94:6)

Trust: The Key to Healthy Relationships

Trust is essential to building healthy relationships. Life also requires us to let go and trust that Allah (SWT) will connect us with the right people. How we build trust and whom we choose to trust influence our lives in countless ways.

What about you? What are your experiences? What signs help you decide if someone is trustworthy?

How have you dealt with breaches of trust? What insights have you gained from these experiences?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours,
MindfulMuslima

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