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How do you deal with mistakes—either your own or those of others? I often found myself judging my own mistakes harshly and reacting with disappointment when others made mistakes. I've noticed this behaviour among others as well. I believe we are often too hard on ourselves and others when it comes to mistakes, focusing too much on the negative. Perhaps this is because our brains operate in survival mode, as reflected in the quote by John Forbes Nash Jr.: "Reality is always a kind of fiction to which everyone agrees." Due to certain fears, our brains function in survival mode, keeping a vigilant eye on all things negative.
It sometimes seems to me that, as a society, we primarily focus on the negative. For example, in religion, where we often concentrate on avoiding mistakes. However, Islam teaches us how to handle mistakes—how we can seek forgiveness for them and continuously have the opportunity to improve ourselves. Why? Because we are created with the characteristic of making mistakes and committing sins! We humans are not free from mistakes, and there is wisdom in this as well.
There is a beautiful story about Caliph Umar ibn Al-Khattab (one of the successors of the Prophet, peace be upon him). The story tells of Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) walking through the city and passing by a house. He looked through the window and saw a man drinking alcohol. Umar entered the house and reprimanded the man for consuming alcohol. The man stated that Umar (ra) made three mistakes at that moment: First, he looked through the window of a house and thereby disregarded the man's privacy. Secondly, he entered someone else's house without permission and thirdly, he entered through the window instead of the door. 1 Umar agreed with him. Weeks later, Umar met the same man again, during a Friday sermon where he recounted the incident. He then told the man at the end of the sermon that since the incident, he had never looked into other houses or interfered in the affairs of others. The man replied that he, since that incident, had never drunk alcohol again.
What does this story teach us? It beautifully illustrates that there are benefits to making mistakes because we learn from them. It is through our mistakes that we become wiser and more thoughtful in life. They bring us a little closer to our goals, allow us to make progress, and show us how to do things right. Only when we have done something wrong do we know how to do it better. Isn’t it more rewarding to look back on our lives and understand how we have evolved from our past mistakes rather than not experiencing any growth due to striving for perfection? How much more relaxed would we be if we didn’t punish ourselves so severely for our mistakes but instead saw them as opportunities to grow? We must make mistakes—in life in general and in religion. The fact that we were created with this nature and have the chance for forgiveness does not, of course, give us a free pass to sin. However, we should also not be too hard on ourselves but view each mistake as an opportunity to continue developing.
If we try to avoid every single mistake in order to be perfect, it will not help us progress in our development. I sincerely hope that we can learn not to be consumed by our mistakes and that we treat each other with appreciation. In doing so, we can grow not only individually but also together!
I hope you enjoyed the article. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!
Until then, your MindfulMuslima
“Hayatus Sahaba” by Muhammad Yusuf Khandlawi